hearing

I have a tendency to get ahead of myself sometimes.

I jump all in.

Dream big.
Make plans.
I love dreaming and planning and all that good stuff. 

It is also really important to me that I live intentionally.
To make things count.
To be wise and discerning.

sometimes I struggle to make those two align.
anybody else out there struggle with that?

this is a picture of my journal from February 2007. 

I was living in Canada. Preparing for a 3 month mission trip to Mexico.

We had a guest speaker come--who was a very discerning, wise listener. 

She spent some time praying with me and for me. 

This is what I wrote down about those prayers. 

She prayed that I would:

"be someone who doesn't move until I hear God's voice."

fast forward one year.
I come back from Mexico.
Decide to marry the hubs.
Move to Denver.

I'm in graduate school at Denver Seminary.
They make give all students the opportunity to take the MMPI and a battery of other tests. then we meet with a spiritual director guru. besides the MMPI being ridiculously long, it really was a very positive experience. during my 1on1 meeting the guy says: "You're probably someone who has always longed to have one clear direction for your life--for God to just tell you that he was calling you to something specific.

I'm leaning forward. nodding. yes. thinking, this is the moment...

wrong.
this is what he says next.

"You are going to be someone who is always asking,  "What do You have for me now?" 

Really? Okay.
Well, not what I was expecting.
But in that moment I began to feel so much FREEDOM.

Someone finally gave me the freedom to stop pursuing that ONE big calling and told me to just keep asking. keep seeking. keeping journeying.

If God had given me one very specific calling I would have just gone for it. full tilt.
and it would have been a disaster.
He knew that I would get ahead of myself.
and what good is being "on mission" in life if I am not connected to the Source of all life.

He knew that I would need to slow down from time to time.

Listen. Dialogue. Meditate. Ask. Hear.


and I feel like I am at that place again.
asking "What do you have for me now?"

some of who (whoever you are....those mysterious readers out there....) just read those words and thought, "What the H*#@ is she talking about? She just moved. Started a new job. Bought a house. Isn't that enough?!?!?!"

And the answer is Yes. and No.

Yes, I have had A LOT of change in the last few months. a lot. trust me. no one feels that to quite the same degree as me. I'm not necessarily asking for something new or different. I'm not asking for another project or job or opportunity. I'm not.

What I am asking is,"Lord, what do You want from me in this season?" 
We were so focused on getting here. and now we are here.
and I'm still unpacking what that looks like.
to be here. in this town. in this job. in this season of life.

but I never want to stop listening.
I want to HEAR from my Jesus.
I want to walk in obedience and not get swept away in the busyness that is all around me.

My struggle is being still.
Honestly, I'm just not very good at it.
And one thing I've learned when working with my clients is:
If you are not intentional and focused when they are talking, you'll miss what they are really saying.

I don't want to miss what is being said to me.
So I'm really working on being still. so that I can listen.

I'll let you know how it goes....:)

instaFriday

Linking up with Jeannett this week.

taking a look back at the week with pics from my phone.

last Friday evening I was busy finishing up details for the engagement party

and sara jo was working on details for a baby shower. 

lydia jane-never one to be left out-was busy typing a message. 

here she's saying "I text you."

(ps. those boots. seriously cute, right?!)

my lovely and charming cousin came to stay the night friday.

after 13 years of being the only girl cousin, she was finally born.

I am still excited she was born. 

she's pretty cool.

we made a little midnight ice cream run.

wendy's frosty are the best.

 the next morning Karli helped me bake 6 loaves of pumpkin bread. 

our house smelled soooooo delicious. 

and the bread turned out beautifully.

the weekend was crazy busy. 

seriously. cray-cray.

confession: we skipped church. 

I just needed to be alone. and in silence.

after a few hours of sitting in silence

I had to get all fancied up for the Presidential Leadership Scholars dinner. 

(ignore the spotted/dirty mirror please. ew)

we had 43 high school seniors on campus sunday/monday.

they were competing for a scholarship and a chance to be a Presidential Scholar.

big time stuff happening over here. :)

the weekend went really well and I actually had a lot of fun. 

even if I did have to put on a pencil skirt instead of sweats for my Sunday evening attire. 

even after the busyness that was our weekend, 

we found motivation to complete a house project on Monday evening. 

window coverings!!!!!

 these beauts are from west elm. 

it feels so nice to feel our bedroom start to come together again.

my husband. 

he cracks me up. 

so random.

when I got home he was still set on working out.

I talked him into doing Hip Hop Abs with me. 

("I've got moves you've never seen"--Name that movie. Anyone?)

 "tilt. tuck. tighten."

"this is Shaun T. I'm here for you."

ohmy. that guy.

the workout is entertaining. 

and you actually get a decent ab workout.

win-win. 

after our workout.

we headed to the Tabor caf to eat with friends 

and then watched the volleyball game. 

I got to hold this little guy. 

perfect way to end the day. 

also while at the volleyball game, 

I was asked to announce the women's basketball game on Wednesday night. 

they were desperate. 

i was nervous. 

but it actually went well and I had fun. 

and the girls won!

It was a great week. 

I'm thankful for people to share these moments with. 

and I'm looking forward to another really great weekend. 

enjoy!

let the countdown begin

Sarah and I met the weekend we moved into college. 

I still remember what she was wearing. 

(weird? creepy? still true. it was a blue sweater vest, by the way)  

We soon became the best of friends. 

We even planned our Spring Semester classes around watching the Young and Restless together each day. 

again, weird? pathetic?

who cares. it's true. 

   In the ten years since we met, 

we have walked through life together.

our friendship has always been a constant.

we have celebrated the highs and cried over the lows.

we have traveled together and traveled distances to see each other. 

we've enjoyed many a cup-o-coffee and a glass of wine. 

    

She is an incredible mother. daughter. sister. friend.

and in one year she's going to make one beautiful BRIDE.

(and, yes, ultimately that means she's going to make Ziya one lucky man, by becoming his WIFE!)

I'm so stoked for her.

not only because we have been praying for a long time that God would bring

a man into her life who would partner with her as she raises her

daughter and supports her as she pursues her dreams. 

I am also excited because I think that marriage can be pretty rad.  

read: difficult, frustrating, but oh-so-very worth it. 

This past weekend Sarah's bridal party threw them  a fall themed engagement party. 

I made this banner out of burlap and pom-poms. 

I wish I could say I painted the landscape above the mantel...but no.

         

Their wedding is set for November 3, 2013, 

so the theme of the party was a One Year Countdown.  

-- When Harry Met Sally

- See more at: http://www.romancestuck.com/quotes/movie-quotes.htm#sthash.szNrVHNH.dpuf

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

-- When Harry Met Sally

- See more at: http://www.romancestuck.com/quotes/movie-quotes.htm#sthash.szNrVHNH.dpuf

Here's the group of women who helped put 

 the party together. I'm excited to get to spend more time with them over the next 12 months. 

the celebrating has only begun. 

 

Sarah and Ziya-

I am so glad we live close to you guys now. We are honored to call you friends and get to witness your journey. We love you and can't wait until NEXT November. 

love, Rob and Erica  

 

"It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together." - Tom Hanks, Sleepless in Seattle

side note: I got a new camera (yipee!) but I am still figuring out how to use it, especially with indoor lighting. so be easy on the photo judgment. :) 

grateful

I'm feeling grateful today.

Maybe it is all the "30 Days of Thanksgiving" posts that are filling up my newsfeed these days.

Or maybe I was stirred by the kind email I got from an old friend today expressing his thanks.

Or maybe it is just that after a really jam-packed few days, I am quieting myself enough to reflect on the goodness that it all around me.

my heart swells with thanksgiving.

that my cousin is healing after a weekend spent in the hospital with very painful gallstones.

that I live close enough to celebrate the engagement of one of the women that I count most dear in this world.

for an office with a view of Tabor's beautiful campus. with a window that allows in the warm rays of sunshine on a chilly day.

for a husband that makes me dinner after a long day at work. who helps me set up for an event that he has no direct responsibility for. and who even helps me hang window drapes on a Monday evening. yes. Monday. when there is football on. he truly is one of my very greatest blessings. he's good to me beyond what I deserve.

that I get to be a part of what God is doing in the lives of others. that I get to witness growth and change. that others trust me with their deepest fears, their struggles, their hurts and their joys. that I get the privilege of knowing people deeply. of celebrating with them and helping carry their burdens. that others invite me to speak into their lives. I never want to take this for granted.

for my family. they support me. they pray for me. they love me even when I am difficult to love. I'm thankful that we enjoy spending time together and that we will all get to do just that in only 2 short weeks! 

and most deeply, I am thankful for my Jesus. who loves me beyond reason. who calls me back to Him and invites me to walk closely with Him each day. who gave His life so that I could live. who gives me peace and joy despite my circumstances.

good stuff.

I am grateful.

adoption

I've posted about my thoughts on adoption before. 

you can check that out here, if you'd like.

Adoption continues to be an issue close to my heart. 

something that we talk about. pray about. 

-I'll post more on that later-

Today, in honor of the 1st day of November,

( November?!?!!? What the heck?! How did this happen!?!)

here are some facts about adoption.

"American children spend an average of just over three years in foster care after they become eligible for adoption."

-www.childrensrights.org-

This means that after a child has been removed from their home and spend time in foster care awaiting to find out if they can return home or not, they eventually become eligible for adoption. and AFTER they become eligible for adoption, they spend-on average-another 3 years in foster care before they find a forever family. 

 

"The majority (42 percent) of children currently in foster care waiting to be adopted were removed from their parents or caretakers before two years old. Research shows children who enter foster care at a young age remain in the system longer. "

 

According to fosteringconnections.org, "In 2010, 239 youth in Kansas aged out of the foster care system without a permanent, legal family."

 Think about the ramifications of that. 

Holidays.

 Financial Support. 

Emotional Support. 

belonging. 

 I sat and talked two weeks ago with a young man who "aged-out" of the foster care system. 

Emancipated. 

We talked about how hard he has to work-to fight- for his success because he lacks support. 

He shared that it hurts to know that "the people who are supposed to be there for you in life, aren't."

family. 

I can not even fathom what that feels like. 

I am blessed. 

beyond measure. 

beyond what I deserve. 

This month, I hope that you think and pray about how you can advocate for these youth. 

How you might join with others to love those who are often forgotten in our society. 

It terrifies me to think about what God might be asking of me...

but I refuse to let that fear paralyze me into doing nothing.

in my draft box

I found this in my draft box from last October.
I don't remember writing it,
and I'm not sure what stopped me from posting it then.
but in light of how I've been feeling lately,
I've decided to post it. 

we were in kansas this weekend. 

it was good. 

there is something about being with people who know you. 

good. bad. ugly. 

i saw a friend that i hadn't seen in over three years. 

i got to hug her and talk to her and laugh with her.

it made me miss home. 

i know home in many ways home is denver. 

with rob. 

where we are together. 

yet...my roots go deep in kansas. 

and i am okay with that.

Crazy. On so many levels. 
Last October I longed for Kansas.
And yet sensed we were staying in Denver.
This October I long for many things about Colorado, 
yet sense that we are suppose to be in Kansas. 

Not sure what this means. 
about me.
about God.
about life. 

I guess I'll just take it as it is. 
and be thankful.
and choose to see the beauty in living in a place that I have roots. 
I'm still excited about rebuilding the friendship with the friend mentioned above. 
who knows what God has in store there. 
but I do know that God is at work. 

in my heart. 
in my life. 
in those around me. 

and I'll choose to see that
even on my most difficult of days.      
 

the gift of remembering: a lot has changed

Whoa.

Blogger has changed it's format. Weird.

Guess that's what happens when you don't write a new post for over a year.


I happened to stop by my own blog today.
and as I read through my most recent posts
(yes, even if they were written a year ago, they are the most recent)
I enjoyed remembering.

I just led a psychology study group over Memory last night.
memory is a gift.
even when we remember difficult things,
I still believe that our memories are important.

which was the point of this blog in many ways.
to record.
to celebrate.
to remember.

as I read about our adventures, it made me wish that I had done a better job of recording all the things of the last year.
but I will not feel guilty!
I will not.
it's not worth it.

I will give a quick recap of the last year.
more for my own benefit than yours. :)

October 2011: Ran my first 1/2 marathon. It was awesome. Really. I really liked it. We ran through downtown Denver, through city park...I was with great people who encouraged me and laughed with me as we trekked along. I finished without walking, which was my goals. My time was 2 hours 20 minutes.  It's crazy that a year later I don't live in Denver anymore and I don't get to work with those amazing people anymore. Sure glad I have that memory with them.

A week after the race, hubby and I made our 2nd trip back to Hillsboro within a matter of 2 weeks. first was Homecoming 5 year Reunion, second was for me to play in the alumni game with the girls I played with in college. We won. It was awesome. I felt young and in good shape. (oh, how different I feel today....)


November 2011: Saw Lion King with my man at the Buell Theatre in Denver. So good. So fun to get dressed up and spend a night out on the town.

Thanksgiving in California with Rob's family. We took family pictures and black Friday shopping. We stayed out until the early morning hours--hunting for good deals and laughing in delirium.

December 2011: Enjoyed the holiday season with friends--Holmes' Annual Christmas Party, Excelsior Holiday Party, decorating our apartment with Christmas spirit.  Spent over a week in California with Rob's family. First Christmas Day that we actually spent all together since Rob and I were married. Rob and I got away for a night--stayed in San Clemente. It was glorious. So sweet. I love my time away with my hubby. It is so, so good for my soul. And by the sea. Nothin is better. for reals.

January 2012: Thought were were staying in Denver for at least another year. Negotiated another lease agreement and signed.

March 2012: Spent 3 days at Copper Mountain with the Kubiks--skiing, watching college basketball, hot tubbing. One of the major PERKS of living in Colorado and something I will miss this coming year. :(

The Waldrons came to visit at the end of the month. Watched the first Hunger Game movie together, shopped consignment furniture stores, and took Lydia to the aquarium. It was a really great weekend. When Lee got back to the office after that weekend, he emailed me about the Student Success position open at Tabor. When I read the email, I sensed God tell me "just don't say no." I agreed to consider it and remain open to the idea, mostly because I knew that Rob would love to be back in Kansas. and because I wanted to be obedient to God.

May 2012: I flew to Kansas for a day of interviewing at Tabor. Rob was signed up for his first triathlon of the season. Priscilla and Jacob flew out  to Denver to surprise him and watch him compete. It was FREEZING, but he still did awesome. I'm always so proud of him, but I especially feel proud when I watch him compete. I want to yell, "that's my man!" Rob and I talk and discern that we think that God is opening the door for us to be back in Hillsboro, and sense that this is what we are being asked to do. We tell our jobs. We cry. We buy a house. We get excited. We feel sad. We cry.

We spent Memorial Day with my dear, sweet, wonderful friend Kristen, her boyfriend, and her parents at their beautiful ranch near Fairplay Colorado. We road 4-wheelers, hiked, ate yummy food, played an epic game of Monopoly, drank coffee on the deck, and just enjoyed create company. We also began grieving that we would be a part...I miss her so much. 

June 2012: ROB TURNED 30! I surprised him with a trip to California for his birthday. He had no idea. It was really fun. We went to Disney Land with his family, had a surprise party with family and friends, and he got to spend a day fishing with Jacob and his dad. It was a really great time celebrating the man I love. So glad he was born.

When we came back from the trip, I had to tell my clients about my move. It was hard. Very painful. I felt like I was letting them down. God was good through the whole process--I sensed His hand at work. But it was still really sad. I still miss them today. I still think of them often. They had each become a major part of my life...

At the end of June, Rob competed in another Tri.He rocked. Of course.
We crammed in as much time with friends as possible. We tried to soak the life out of Colorado--literally--long bike rides on the bike path, swimming at our apartment pool, going downtown, eating at our favorite restaurants. Oh yeah, and we were closing on a house from another state and starting to think about packing. It was insane.

July 2012: We spent a weekend in Crested Butte with some of our absolute most favorite people in the whole word--the Holmes family. Crested Butte is breathtaking. and relaxed. and reminiscent of another time. It has become a happy place of mine. I think of our weekend there at the Forest Queen and smile. We drank and ate and laughed and listened to good music and had great conversation and played with the kids. Looking back, it was the calm before the storm....

As we drove down the mountain after that weekend, I sensed that we were heading into a busy season. a good season, but a hard season. And I was right...

 On July 19th, 2012, we loaded up the largest U-Haul available and began the journey to Kansas. We were only planning to go as far as my grandma's house that first night--praise Jesus!--because it took us 10 hours to go 250 miles. You do the math. That's a long story. We'll save it for another day.

July 20th, 2012, we pulled into Hillsboro. Our new home. Our friends through us a welcoming party...okay, not really...but we did make it in time for Lydia's 2nd Birthday Party. So, we did have a party right away.

Since that day, we have jumped into new jobs. attempted to get settled in our new home. spent time with old friends and family. met new friends. laughed. cried. questioned our decision. celebrated our decision. and much, much more.

a lot has happened in the last year. a lot has happened in the last 3 months. there is no way I can unpack it all right now. but maybe....just maybe...I will begin to use this blog to do that. to unpack this new journey. to record the adventure we are living.

I'm not promising anything. 

but I've enjoyed writing today.

and I've enjoyed remembering.