Tuesday, November 13, 2012


I have a tendency to get ahead of myself sometimes.

I jump all in.

Dream big.
Make plans.
I love dreaming and planning and all that good stuff. 

It is also really important to me that I live intentionally.
To make things count.
To be wise and discerning.

sometimes I struggle to make those two align.
anybody else out there struggle with that?

this is a picture of my journal from February 2007. 
I was living in Canada. Preparing for a 3 month mission trip to Mexico.
We had a guest speaker come--who was a very discerning, wise listener. 
She spent some time praying with me and for me. 
This is what I wrote down about those prayers. 
She prayed that I would:

"be someone who doesn't move until I hear God's voice."

fast forward one year.
I come back from Mexico.
Decide to marry the hubs.
Move to Denver.

I'm in graduate school at Denver Seminary.
They make give all students the opportunity to take the MMPI and a battery of other tests. then we meet with a spiritual director guru. besides the MMPI being ridiculously long, it really was a very positive experience. during my 1on1 meeting the guy says: "You're probably someone who has always longed to have one clear direction for your life--for God to just tell you that he was calling you to something specific.

I'm leaning forward. nodding. yes. thinking, this is the moment...

this is what he says next.

"You are going to be someone who is always asking,  "What do You have for me now?

Really? Okay.
Well, not what I was expecting.
But in that moment I began to feel so much FREEDOM.

Someone finally gave me the freedom to stop pursuing that ONE big calling and told me to just keep asking. keep seeking. keeping journeying.

If God had given me one very specific calling I would have just gone for it. full tilt.
and it would have been a disaster.
He knew that I would get ahead of myself.
and what good is being "on mission" in life if I am not connected to the Source of all life.

He knew that I would need to slow down from time to time.

Listen. Dialogue. Meditate. Ask. Hear.

and I feel like I am at that place again.
asking "What do you have for me now?"

some of who (whoever you are....those mysterious readers out there....) just read those words and thought, "What the H*#@ is she talking about? She just moved. Started a new job. Bought a house. Isn't that enough?!?!?!"

And the answer is Yes. and No.

Yes, I have had A LOT of change in the last few months. a lot. trust me. no one feels that to quite the same degree as me. I'm not necessarily asking for something new or different. I'm not asking for another project or job or opportunity. I'm not.

What I am asking is,"Lord, what do You want from me in this season?" 
We were so focused on getting here. and now we are here.
and I'm still unpacking what that looks like.
to be here. in this town. in this job. in this season of life.

but I never want to stop listening.
I want to HEAR from my Jesus.
I want to walk in obedience and not get swept away in the busyness that is all around me.

My struggle is being still.
Honestly, I'm just not very good at it.
And one thing I've learned when working with my clients is:
If you are not intentional and focused when they are talking, you'll miss what they are really saying.

I don't want to miss what is being said to me.
So I'm really working on being still. so that I can listen.

I'll let you know how it goes....:)

Friday, November 9, 2012


Linking up with Jeannett this week.
taking a look back at the week with pics from my phone.

last Friday evening I was busy finishing up details for the engagement party
and sara jo was working on details for a baby shower. 
lydia jane-never one to be left out-was busy typing a message. 
here she's saying "I text you."
(ps. those boots. seriously cute, right?!)

my lovely and charming cousin came to stay the night friday.
after 13 years of being the only girl cousin, she was finally born.
I am still excited she was born. 
she's pretty cool.
we made a little midnight ice cream run.
wendy's frosty are the best.
 the next morning Karli helped me bake 6 loaves of pumpkin bread. 
our house smelled soooooo delicious. 
and the bread turned out beautifully.

the weekend was crazy busy. 
seriously. cray-cray.
confession: we skipped church. 
I just needed to be alone. and in silence.
after a few hours of sitting in silence
I had to get all fancied up for the Presidential Leadership Scholars dinner. 
(ignore the spotted/dirty mirror please. ew)
we had 43 high school seniors on campus sunday/monday.
they were competing for a scholarship and a chance to be a Presidential Scholar.
big time stuff happening over here. :)
the weekend went really well and I actually had a lot of fun. 
even if I did have to put on a pencil skirt instead of sweats for my Sunday evening attire. 

even after the busyness that was our weekend, 
we found motivation to complete a house project on Monday evening. 
window coverings!!!!!
 these beauts are from west elm. 
it feels so nice to feel our bedroom start to come together again.

my husband. 
he cracks me up. 
so random.
when I got home he was still set on working out.
I talked him into doing Hip Hop Abs with me. 
("I've got moves you've never seen"--Name that movie. Anyone?)

 "tilt. tuck. tighten."
"this is Shaun T. I'm here for you."
ohmy. that guy.
the workout is entertaining. 
and you actually get a decent ab workout.

after our workout.
we headed to the Tabor caf to eat with friends 
and then watched the volleyball game. 
I got to hold this little guy. 
perfect way to end the day. 

also while at the volleyball game, 
I was asked to announce the women's basketball game on Wednesday night. 
they were desperate. 
i was nervous. 
but it actually went well and I had fun. 
and the girls won!

It was a great week. 
I'm thankful for people to share these moments with. 
and I'm looking forward to another really great weekend. 


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

let the countdown begin

Sarah and I met the weekend we moved into college. 
I still remember what she was wearing. 
(weird? creepy? still true. it was a blue sweater vest, by the way)  
We soon became the best of friends. 
We even planned our Spring Semester classes around watching the Young and Restless together each day. 
again, weird? pathetic?
who cares. it's true. 
   In the ten years since we met, 
we have walked through life together.
our friendship has always been a constant.
we have celebrated the highs and cried over the lows.
we have traveled together and traveled distances to see each other. 
we've enjoyed many a cup-o-coffee and a glass of wine. 
She is an incredible mother. daughter. sister. friend.
and in one year she's going to make one beautiful BRIDE.
(and, yes, ultimately that means she's going to make Ziya one lucky man, by becoming his WIFE!)
I'm so stoked for her.
not only because we have been praying for a long time that God would bring
a man into her life who would partner with her as she raises her
daughter and supports her as she pursues her dreams
I am also excited because I think that marriage can be pretty rad.  
read: difficult, frustrating, but oh-so-very worth it. 
This past weekend Sarah's bridal party threw them  a fall themed engagement party. 
I made this banner out of burlap and pom-poms. 
I wish I could say I painted the landscape above the mantel...but no.
Their wedding is set for November 3, 2013, 
so the theme of the party was a One Year Countdown.  

-- When Harry Met Sally
- See more at: http://www.romancestuck.com/quotes/movie-quotes.htm#sthash.szNrVHNH.dpuf
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
-- When Harry Met Sally
- See more at: http://www.romancestuck.com/quotes/movie-quotes.htm#sthash.szNrVHNH.dpuf

Here's the group of women who helped put 
 the party together. I'm excited to get to spend more time with them over the next 12 months. 
the celebrating has only begun. 

Sarah and Ziya-
I am so glad we live close to you guys now. We are honored to call you friends and get to witness your journey. We love you and can't wait until NEXT November. 
love, Rob and Erica  
"It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together." - Tom Hanks, Sleepless in Seattle

side note: I got a new camera (yipee!) but I am still figuring out how to use it, especially with indoor lighting. so be easy on the photo judgment. :) 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


I'm feeling grateful today.

Maybe it is all the "30 Days of Thanksgiving" posts that are filling up my newsfeed these days.

Or maybe I was stirred by the kind email I got from an old friend today expressing his thanks.

Or maybe it is just that after a really jam-packed few days, I am quieting myself enough to reflect on the goodness that it all around me.

my heart swells with thanksgiving.

that my cousin is healing after a weekend spent in the hospital with very painful gallstones.

that I live close enough to celebrate the engagement of one of the women that I count most dear in this world.

for an office with a view of Tabor's beautiful campus. with a window that allows in the warm rays of sunshine on a chilly day.

for a husband that makes me dinner after a long day at work. who helps me set up for an event that he has no direct responsibility for. and who even helps me hang window drapes on a Monday evening. yes. Monday. when there is football on. he truly is one of my very greatest blessings. he's good to me beyond what I deserve.

that I get to be a part of what God is doing in the lives of others. that I get to witness growth and change. that others trust me with their deepest fears, their struggles, their hurts and their joys. that I get the privilege of knowing people deeply. of celebrating with them and helping carry their burdens. that others invite me to speak into their lives. I never want to take this for granted.

for my family. they support me. they pray for me. they love me even when I am difficult to love. I'm thankful that we enjoy spending time together and that we will all get to do just that in only 2 short weeks! 

and most deeply, I am thankful for my Jesus. who loves me beyond reason. who calls me back to Him and invites me to walk closely with Him each day. who gave His life so that I could live. who gives me peace and joy despite my circumstances.

good stuff.

I am grateful.

Thursday, November 1, 2012


I've posted about my thoughts on adoption before. 
you can check that out here, if you'd like.

Adoption continues to be an issue close to my heart. 
something that we talk about. pray about. 
-I'll post more on that later-

Today, in honor of the 1st day of November,
( November?!?!!? What the heck?! How did this happen!?!)
here are some facts about adoption.

"American children spend an average of just over three years in foster care after they become eligible for adoption."


This means that after a child has been removed from their home and spend time in foster care awaiting to find out if they can return home or not, they eventually become eligible for adoption. and AFTER they become eligible for adoption, they spend-on average-another 3 years in foster care before they find a forever family. 


"The majority (42 percent) of children currently in foster care waiting to be adopted were removed from their parents or caretakers before two years old. Research shows children who enter foster care at a young age remain in the system longer. "


According to fosteringconnections.org, "In 2010, 239 youth in Kansas aged out of the foster care system without a permanent, legal family."

 Think about the ramifications of that. 


 Financial Support. 

Emotional Support. 


 I sat and talked two weeks ago with a young man who "aged-out" of the foster care system. 
We talked about how hard he has to work-to fight- for his success because he lacks support. 
He shared that it hurts to know that "the people who are supposed to be there for you in life, aren't."

I can not even fathom what that feels like. 
I am blessed. 
beyond measure. 
beyond what I deserve. 

This month, I hope that you think and pray about how you can advocate for these youth. 
How you might join with others to love those who are often forgotten in our society. 

It terrifies me to think about what God might be asking of me...
but I refuse to let that fear paralyze me into doing nothing.