hearing

I have a tendency to get ahead of myself sometimes.

I jump all in.

Dream big.
Make plans.
I love dreaming and planning and all that good stuff. 

It is also really important to me that I live intentionally.
To make things count.
To be wise and discerning.

sometimes I struggle to make those two align.
anybody else out there struggle with that?

this is a picture of my journal from February 2007. 

I was living in Canada. Preparing for a 3 month mission trip to Mexico.

We had a guest speaker come--who was a very discerning, wise listener. 

She spent some time praying with me and for me. 

This is what I wrote down about those prayers. 

She prayed that I would:

"be someone who doesn't move until I hear God's voice."

fast forward one year.
I come back from Mexico.
Decide to marry the hubs.
Move to Denver.

I'm in graduate school at Denver Seminary.
They make give all students the opportunity to take the MMPI and a battery of other tests. then we meet with a spiritual director guru. besides the MMPI being ridiculously long, it really was a very positive experience. during my 1on1 meeting the guy says: "You're probably someone who has always longed to have one clear direction for your life--for God to just tell you that he was calling you to something specific.

I'm leaning forward. nodding. yes. thinking, this is the moment...

wrong.
this is what he says next.

"You are going to be someone who is always asking,  "What do You have for me now?" 

Really? Okay.
Well, not what I was expecting.
But in that moment I began to feel so much FREEDOM.

Someone finally gave me the freedom to stop pursuing that ONE big calling and told me to just keep asking. keep seeking. keeping journeying.

If God had given me one very specific calling I would have just gone for it. full tilt.
and it would have been a disaster.
He knew that I would get ahead of myself.
and what good is being "on mission" in life if I am not connected to the Source of all life.

He knew that I would need to slow down from time to time.

Listen. Dialogue. Meditate. Ask. Hear.


and I feel like I am at that place again.
asking "What do you have for me now?"

some of who (whoever you are....those mysterious readers out there....) just read those words and thought, "What the H*#@ is she talking about? She just moved. Started a new job. Bought a house. Isn't that enough?!?!?!"

And the answer is Yes. and No.

Yes, I have had A LOT of change in the last few months. a lot. trust me. no one feels that to quite the same degree as me. I'm not necessarily asking for something new or different. I'm not asking for another project or job or opportunity. I'm not.

What I am asking is,"Lord, what do You want from me in this season?" 
We were so focused on getting here. and now we are here.
and I'm still unpacking what that looks like.
to be here. in this town. in this job. in this season of life.

but I never want to stop listening.
I want to HEAR from my Jesus.
I want to walk in obedience and not get swept away in the busyness that is all around me.

My struggle is being still.
Honestly, I'm just not very good at it.
And one thing I've learned when working with my clients is:
If you are not intentional and focused when they are talking, you'll miss what they are really saying.

I don't want to miss what is being said to me.
So I'm really working on being still. so that I can listen.

I'll let you know how it goes....:)

what a week

is it really only Thursday?
what a crazy 72 hours.

my week started like any other:
work on Sunday evening.
work on Monday.
As I was walking out to my car Monday evening,
I received a call from my mom.

dad was in a wreck. rolled his pick-up.

one thing I've learned when it comes to my dad is:
accidents happen and I shouldn't overreact.

however, once he was at the hospital,
they discovered he had broken
a vertebrae (L4) in his back and was being flown to Denver.

it was scary. very.
broken back.
surgery.
flight to Denver.
whoa.

but the more I learned about the events of the wreck
and watched as things unfolded,
my tears of fear became
tears of gratitude.

my dad rolled his pick-up.
without a seatbelt on,
and only broke 1 vertebrae.
no cuts. not one bruise.

he was partially ejected from the vehicle.
into the snow.
on a night with subzero temperatures.
in the country.
and he was found within 30 minutes.
and he had coveralls on.

he had to be flown from colby to denver.
my brother lives in colby.
I live in denver.
the hospital was literally 10 blocks from my house.
if ever being in the hospital could be described as "convenient,"
this was it.

they thought he would require surgery.
but they discovered the break was "minimal"
and have remained "very, very optimistic"
that it will heal with time in a brace and limited movement.

I feel like I could list so many things to be thankful for in the whole ordeal.
my work has been incredibly supportive.
I have been reminded of how many people do care about my dad, my family, and me.
I have gotten to spend 3 days with my mom and dad,
helping out, talking, playing cards, and praying.

granted, i would like to spend time with them under different circumstances,
but this time with them has been sweet,
in its own way.

Do I wish this wouldn't have happened? sure.
Do I wonder, at times, why these "bad things" have to happen? absolutely.
and while these are questions and worries are human, I know that they are not healthy.
(at least not for long periods of time :) )
and if I would have allowed myself to stay there (in those places of worrying and fear),
I would have missed out on seeing God's goodness and His faithfulness through it all.

it confirms for me that what you see in life is often what you are looking for.
faith allowed me to look beyond the circumstances and see the bigger picture.

thank you to all of you who have called, emailed, texted, visited, and especially prayed.
I truly believe in the power of prayer.
It is mysterious to me.
Doesn't always makes sense.
I'm not the best at it on most days,
But I can not deny the power that lies there.

Please know how thankful we are for all of you.
My dad said yesterday, "I have extended family I didn't even know about."
He was talking about all of you.
Thanks for loving us.

with love,
Erica

exciting news

I really like office supply stores.
Not as much as I like bookstores,
but it is up there.

I like the thought of buying all kinds of thing to get organized.
This is probably why I really look forward to January.
The month when I get to select the perfect planner for the coming year.
It's all clean and ready for me to fill-up with stuff.

wow. I sound a bit crazy.
Honestly, I can go days without opening my planner.

Nevertheless, the task of picking out a planner is very crucial to one's organization scheme.
:)
Well, this January I went all out.
I splurged on a full-blown appointment book.
With time slots and everything.
It's my big girl planner.

I told myself, "This is the year you get a REAL job! Go for it!"

Maybe it was a bit prophetic...

I GOT A JOB!

I started today at Excelsior Youth Center.
I'll be the Treatment Coordinator/Therapist for 7-8 adolescent girls and their families.
I am so so SO excited.
And I am praising GOD for His goodness and faithfulness.

I do not deserve this.
I have not done anything to earn it.
God totally provided this and I want to give Him the glory.

One month ago I was graduating from graduate school and Rob was getting ready to wrap up another year as a paraprofessional.
We both recognized that we might neither have a "real" job this coming fall.
A month later,
WE BOTH HAVE JOBS!

Within ONE WEEK
Rob found out about,
applied for,
interviewed for,
and was hired as
a special education TEACHER at Westerly Creek Elementary school.

Within ONE MONTH of graduation
I have landed a really great job
with a great organization.
A job that I am really excited about!

We feel so blessed.
We praise God.
We have JOBS!