Tuesday, October 30, 2012

in my draft box

I found this in my draft box from last October.
I don't remember writing it,
and I'm not sure what stopped me from posting it then.
but in light of how I've been feeling lately,
I've decided to post it. 

we were in kansas this weekend. 
it was good. 
there is something about being with people who know you. 
good. bad. ugly. 
i saw a friend that i hadn't seen in over three years. 
i got to hug her and talk to her and laugh with her.

it made me miss home. 

i know home in many ways home is denver. 
with rob. 
where we are together. 

yet...my roots go deep in kansas. 
and i am okay with that.

Crazy. On so many levels. 
Last October I longed for Kansas.
And yet sensed we were staying in Denver.
This October I long for many things about Colorado
yet sense that we are suppose to be in Kansas. 

Not sure what this means. 
about me.
about God.
about life. 

I guess I'll just take it as it is. 
and be thankful.
and choose to see the beauty in living in a place that I have roots. 
I'm still excited about rebuilding the friendship with the friend mentioned above. 
who knows what God has in store there. 
but I do know that God is at work. 

in my heart. 
in my life. 
in those around me. 

and I'll choose to see that
even on my most difficult of days.      

Monday, October 29, 2012

the gift of remembering: a lot has changed


Blogger has changed it's format. Weird.

Guess that's what happens when you don't write a new post for over a year.

I happened to stop by my own blog today.
and as I read through my most recent posts
(yes, even if they were written a year ago, they are the most recent)
I enjoyed remembering.

I just led a psychology study group over Memory last night.
memory is a gift.
even when we remember difficult things,
I still believe that our memories are important.

which was the point of this blog in many ways.
to record.
to celebrate.
to remember.

as I read about our adventures, it made me wish that I had done a better job of recording all the things of the last year.
but I will not feel guilty!
I will not.
it's not worth it.

I will give a quick recap of the last year.
more for my own benefit than yours. :)

October 2011: Ran my first 1/2 marathon. It was awesome. Really. I really liked it. We ran through downtown Denver, through city park...I was with great people who encouraged me and laughed with me as we trekked along. I finished without walking, which was my goals. My time was 2 hours 20 minutes.  It's crazy that a year later I don't live in Denver anymore and I don't get to work with those amazing people anymore. Sure glad I have that memory with them.

A week after the race, hubby and I made our 2nd trip back to Hillsboro within a matter of 2 weeks. first was Homecoming 5 year Reunion, second was for me to play in the alumni game with the girls I played with in college. We won. It was awesome. I felt young and in good shape. (oh, how different I feel today....)

November 2011: Saw Lion King with my man at the Buell Theatre in Denver. So good. So fun to get dressed up and spend a night out on the town.

Thanksgiving in California with Rob's family. We took family pictures and black Friday shopping. We stayed out until the early morning hours--hunting for good deals and laughing in delirium.

December 2011: Enjoyed the holiday season with friends--Holmes' Annual Christmas Party, Excelsior Holiday Party, decorating our apartment with Christmas spirit.  Spent over a week in California with Rob's family. First Christmas Day that we actually spent all together since Rob and I were married. Rob and I got away for a night--stayed in San Clemente. It was glorious. So sweet. I love my time away with my hubby. It is so, so good for my soul. And by the sea. Nothin is better. for reals.

January 2012: Thought were were staying in Denver for at least another year. Negotiated another lease agreement and signed.

March 2012: Spent 3 days at Copper Mountain with the Kubiks--skiing, watching college basketball, hot tubbing. One of the major PERKS of living in Colorado and something I will miss this coming year. :(

The Waldrons came to visit at the end of the month. Watched the first Hunger Game movie together, shopped consignment furniture stores, and took Lydia to the aquarium. It was a really great weekend. When Lee got back to the office after that weekend, he emailed me about the Student Success position open at Tabor. When I read the email, I sensed God tell me "just don't say no." I agreed to consider it and remain open to the idea, mostly because I knew that Rob would love to be back in Kansas. and because I wanted to be obedient to God.

May 2012: I flew to Kansas for a day of interviewing at Tabor. Rob was signed up for his first triathlon of the season. Priscilla and Jacob flew out  to Denver to surprise him and watch him compete. It was FREEZING, but he still did awesome. I'm always so proud of him, but I especially feel proud when I watch him compete. I want to yell, "that's my man!" Rob and I talk and discern that we think that God is opening the door for us to be back in Hillsboro, and sense that this is what we are being asked to do. We tell our jobs. We cry. We buy a house. We get excited. We feel sad. We cry.

We spent Memorial Day with my dear, sweet, wonderful friend Kristen, her boyfriend, and her parents at their beautiful ranch near Fairplay Colorado. We road 4-wheelers, hiked, ate yummy food, played an epic game of Monopoly, drank coffee on the deck, and just enjoyed create company. We also began grieving that we would be a part...I miss her so much. 

June 2012: ROB TURNED 30! I surprised him with a trip to California for his birthday. He had no idea. It was really fun. We went to Disney Land with his family, had a surprise party with family and friends, and he got to spend a day fishing with Jacob and his dad. It was a really great time celebrating the man I love. So glad he was born.

When we came back from the trip, I had to tell my clients about my move. It was hard. Very painful. I felt like I was letting them down. God was good through the whole process--I sensed His hand at work. But it was still really sad. I still miss them today. I still think of them often. They had each become a major part of my life...

At the end of June, Rob competed in another Tri.He rocked. Of course.
We crammed in as much time with friends as possible. We tried to soak the life out of Colorado--literally--long bike rides on the bike path, swimming at our apartment pool, going downtown, eating at our favorite restaurants. Oh yeah, and we were closing on a house from another state and starting to think about packing. It was insane.

July 2012: We spent a weekend in Crested Butte with some of our absolute most favorite people in the whole word--the Holmes family. Crested Butte is breathtaking. and relaxed. and reminiscent of another time. It has become a happy place of mine. I think of our weekend there at the Forest Queen and smile. We drank and ate and laughed and listened to good music and had great conversation and played with the kids. Looking back, it was the calm before the storm....

As we drove down the mountain after that weekend, I sensed that we were heading into a busy season. a good season, but a hard season. And I was right...

 On July 19th, 2012, we loaded up the largest U-Haul available and began the journey to Kansas. We were only planning to go as far as my grandma's house that first night--praise Jesus!--because it took us 10 hours to go 250 miles. You do the math. That's a long story. We'll save it for another day.

July 20th, 2012, we pulled into Hillsboro. Our new home. Our friends through us a welcoming party...okay, not really...but we did make it in time for Lydia's 2nd Birthday Party. So, we did have a party right away.

Since that day, we have jumped into new jobs. attempted to get settled in our new home. spent time with old friends and family. met new friends. laughed. cried. questioned our decision. celebrated our decision. and much, much more.

a lot has happened in the last year. a lot has happened in the last 3 months. there is no way I can unpack it all right now. but maybe....just maybe...I will begin to use this blog to do that. to unpack this new journey. to record the adventure we are living.

I'm not promising anything. 

but I've enjoyed writing today.

and I've enjoyed remembering.