Tuesday, March 19, 2013

answers to questions we hear often these days

I figured it was time to give a few more details regarding our adoption.

I'm guessing there may be at least a few of you out there that wonder what in the world is going on?!

since adoption is something I have been interested in for a long time,
I have spent countless hours reading up on the different types and steps involved.
but I get that not everyone stalks adoption blogs or reads up on attachment issues in their free time :)
so, it only seemed fair to answer some questions.

here are some of the most frequently asked questions we field these days:

"Are you adopting domestically or internationally?"
Internationally.

which is followed quickly by a, "Why?" 
Honestly, once we made the decision to adopt, deciding where to adopt from was the most difficult question for me to settle in my heart. We felt really overwhelmed by the task of "selecting a child," which is what it felt like we were doing. Then a really wise friend  (who also happens to be an adoptive mama) encouraged us to approach this decision by asking:  

What child do you feel that you and Rob are 
best equipped to parent at this point in your life? 

and this question was a game changer for us. While I was working as a therapist in residential treatment, I saw how desperately older children need families. But I also saw how difficult and unpredictable parenting those children could be. I desperately see the need and there is something in my heart that longs to meet that need. But we had to be realistic about where we are currently at, and since we are going to be new to this whole parenting thing, we are going to have enough unpredictability on our hands. ha! So, for us--at this point in our life--it settled that we wanted to adopt as young as possible. 

so. and "infant" it is. 
you hear infant and you think fresh from the womb. 
well, in the world of adoption, and infant is really any baby 12 months or younger. 

the question then became WHERE.
we spent time reading about different countries that currently have adoption programs with the United States, as well as, researching infant adoption in the US. For whatever reason, God really led us toward international adoption. That is where our attention was focused and where we felt our hearts were leading us. After looking into different program requirements and the ages of children available, we settled on Ethiopia. 

Yes. we know that this means we will become a multiracial/multicultural family. 
Yes. we know there are challenges that will come from being a multiracial/multicultural family. 
Yes. we recognize that not everyone will necessarily "agree" with this decision. 

and YES we are sure. 
this does not mean that there are not moments when I feel anxious about being able to parent children that look different from me. Sure. I do. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have moments of doubt.
but I also KNOW that God is in this and that growing our family through adoption and becoming a diverse family will be beyond beautiful. 

We recognize that we have a lot to learn and will need to rely on others to help educate us and our children in this area. That is part of what excites me--learning and loving and being open a community bigger than us. 


"Do you have a baby picked out for you yet?"
No. We have not been matched with a baby.
We are still several months from being ready to receive a referral.
Here is a general timeline for families adopting with our agency right now.
As of now, we have been told that the following time frames are "average"

this picture is of the hubs and I the morning we sent off our application and contract to IFS. eek!

Step 1: Choose an agency, apply with agency and be accepted. Check!
Step 2: Complete Home Study & Dossier
(read: spend countless hours completing massive amounts of paperwork). It usually takes around 2-3 months for this step to be completed. We are days into this step... so pray for us!

Step 3: Send Dossier (with home study) to Ethiopia where it is translated and processed by the Ethiopian government (MOWA).

Step 4: REFERRAL! From the time our dossier arrives in Ethiopia until we receive a referral will be any where from 2-4 months (again, we are working with averages, people. and this could change. we know that.)

Step 5: Accept referral and pay the remainder of our program fees. EEK!

Step 6: Court date in Ethiopia! Travel to Ethiopia where we will appear before Ethiopian court and the adoption will be finalized. We will officially be parents! From referral to court date is approximately 3-5 months.

Step 7: The child, though adopted, can not leave Ethiopia until the case is cleared by the Embassy. Once the case passes the Embassy, we will bring our babes home! Average time from court date to Embassy clearance is anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months. So, we'll be counting on you all to be praying. hard. that it is closer to 6 weeks. :)


Which means that we are about 10-12 months from having them home with us. 
We are holding this timeline very loosely, as we know that there are several factors that are out of our control, but we are also praying that this would be close to the truth.
Either way, we have a lot of waiting ahead of us. 
waiting. 
and paperwork. 



"How old will your child be when they come home?"
At the time of referral a child can be as young as 2 months, which means that they are anywhere from 8-10 months old when they come home for good.

"If you don't mind me asking, how much does adoption cost?"
I certainly don't mind you asking! In fact, I think it is important to educate people on ALL things adoption--including that it is a major financial and emotional and physical investment.

The rough estimate for international adoption is around $30,000.
Gulp.
Yep. It's a lot.
But we serve a really BIG God. 
And we are trusting in HIM to make this happen.
We will have fundraisers.
We will pinch pennies.

We will apply for grants.
We will pray for hearts to be led to give.

and we will give HIM all the glory.

We welcome your questions.
Honest.
Please feel free to send me an email (erica.haude@gmail.com) with questions about our adoption process, how you can get involved, or adoption things in general.

I am in no way an expert...yet :)...but I'm learning a lot each day.

thanks for reading. 




2 comments:

  1. Sitting here at work (should be working) with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. So excited!

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  2. I am so excited for you and Robert! We are praying for you guys. Can't wait to hear more.

    ReplyDelete