mary and elizabeth

I've been thinking a lot about babies lately.
We are definitely in that "season,"
both in life and in the year,
where the focus is on babies, birth, and new life.
we are getting ready to celebrate the most incredible birth story ever told, ya know.:)
that was in case you had forgotten it was Christmastime.


It seems that at least once a month we have a friend announce a pregnancy or a birth.
Which is really, really fun.
I am always REALLY excited for our friends when they announce these things.
Genuinely.
I love holding new babies.
Having a sleeping, snuggling baby in my arms is seriously one of my very favorite things.

But if I'm going to be honest, this season has been really hard, too.
because I really want a baby of our own right now.
I hold two things in tension--joy and sadness. 
and because of the rawness of my own emotion,
the Christmas story has taken on a new dimension for me this year.

Mary and her cousin Elizabeth were both pregnant at the same time.
Did you know that? Well, now you do.
Mary was pregnant before she wanted to be.
Elizabeth was pregnant after years and years of not being able to get pregnant.
Mary wasn't married yet--so there was probably some shame and embarrassment surrounding here pregnancy.
Elizabeth was "well along in years" and passed the child-bearing stage of life--so there was probably a lot of confusion and gossip surrounding her pregnancy, too.
I'm sure people had opinions and "concerns"--I'm quite certain that somethings about humanity never change.

So here are two women. both pregnant. both carrying men who would literally change the course of humanity.
and yet their roads to becoming pregnant were very different. VERY.

and that reality still exists today.
women who get pregnant before they are "ready" to be mothers.
women who pray and beg God for a baby until they are "well along in years."
women who long to be married so that they can have a family some day. 

I don't know what our journey will look like.
I believe that God knows the desire of my heart.
I believe that He is good, and that He loves me deeply and fully.
I believe that we will be parents. someday. somehow.

as I walk this journey, I will continue to hold joy and sorrow in tension.
I will continue to take both of those to God and allow him to change me.
use me.
mold me.
my story is not my own.
my story is His. 



I have gone back and forth on whether to share this out here in blog-o-sphere.
I'm not necessarily a really private person--if you sit with me over a cup of coffee, I'm likely to tell you what's on my heart--
but I'm not big on public broadcasts.
however, in this case, I'm hoping that it can be an encouragement to others.
my prayer is that if there are other women who, like me, are dreaming and waiting, that they would know they are not alone.
and that there is HOPE.
at Christmas, and all through the year.