29 before 30

another birthday came and went this weekend.

29.

weird.
i'm really not that wigged out about 30.
the hubs is 30 already, and I think it looks good on him.
though he does complain more of aches and pains these days :)

last year i really struggled with my birthday.
we were a year+ into trying for children and i felt anxious about getting "older"
i was tired of all the questions about "when are you going to have children..."
and was fearful of being an old mom.
i let my cultures' expectations get the best of me.

during the last year i have made peace with the fact that my road to motherhood will likely look different from that of most of my friends.
but that doesn't make is less beautiful. 

with less than 365 days until I reach the big 3-0,
I decided to make a list of 29 things I'd like to do before 30.

here they are.

looking forward to one last year of being a 20-something :)

let the good times roll.

a saturday song

rob and I are training for a half marathon.
saturdays are our long run days.
and I never feel like going.
well, at least I haven't so far.

today I had all kinds of reasons not to go :)
but he was going and I knew that I would be glad that I went.
so we went.

on long run days I usually have to listen to music to get me through.
today as I was running this song came on.
and it sums up the last couple of days.
so I thought I would share.
I'm guessing I'm not the only one out there that has days that make you question everything.
thankful that even on those days,
there can be peace.

 

it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.

 

Also, we mailed our application, contract, and first payment to IFS today.

(insert wide-eyed, excited but terrified face)

 

redemption

at one point, not that long ago,
having biological children first was Plan A.
but today, becoming parents through adoption has become Plan A.
deep in my soul.
this is my first choice.
our first choice.
God changed us.
and we are excited about that.
and we know that the changing and transforming has only begun. 

and honestly,
adoption wasn't God's first choice for these children either.
that may really rock some people's theology.
but it's what I believe when I read Scripture and look at the world.

let me explain:
I believe that God's perfect plan, in a perfect world would be that all children are raised by their biological parents and grow up knowing how much they are loved.
enter sin and broken world.
because this world is broken, and there are things like death, poverty, war, & sin,
some children are left without parents.
and God sees those babies (and couples who can't have children)
and HE REDEEMS.
he reaches down and redeems what has been lost and broken.
just like he did with me.
I was lost and broken and separated from the One who created me.
He redeemed me.

and the REALLY exciting part is that after He redeemed me,
He invited me to be a part of His redemptive work here on earth.

and that, my friends, is what adoption is about.
it's taking what was not originally Plan A,
and making it Plan A.
it's taking what was (and is) broken,
and proving a way of healing and hope.

it's beautiful. 

and writing this post this morning is a beautiful reminder for me of why I am jumping into months of paperwork, waiting, fundraising, and emotionally taxing experiences.

I needed this reminder today. 

so, thanks for reading.
and for jumping in with us.
we're going to need you.
(those of who you knew me 5 years ago, will know how HUGE that last sentence was for me to type! ha!)

something brewing

have you sensed that something was coming?
that something has been brewing in our life?

did you even notice that I hadn't blogged in awhile?  wait. don't answer that. :)

after I posted about 2013 and all the things I wanted more & less of--
one of those being to write more--
I went off the air for a bit.

sometimes I just need to hold things near to my heart.
so that I know that I'm listening to my heart instead of the opinions of others.
so I can tell if what I'm hearing is actually the Holy Spirit stirring, or if I just have anxiety.
I hold things near so that I can tell whose opinion and voice I'm listening to--God's or the worlds.

I've learned that this is important because I can get wrapped up in the opinions of others sometimes.
this might be a surprise to those who know me in real life,
because I am fairly independent and confident.
but the honest truth is that I still struggle with worrying about what others think.

so I've spent the last few weeks holding things close.
I am happy to report that I have been writing more. 
in my journal.
with a pen.
and cute curvy letters.






and after several weeks of writing,
listening,
talking with the hubs,
praying,
researching,
reading,
praying some more,
and dreaming up some BIG things,

we have an announcement.

one that I am beyond excited to share with you.

Rob and I are answering the call to adopt. 
yep. you read that correctly.
we are adopting!!!

isn't that exciting?!?!
we think so. :)
we are extremely excited.
and slightly terrified, as well, but mostly just really, really ready to bring home our babe.
(I know, I know....I have lots of waiting ahead of me....)

remember when I wrote this post in September 2011?
God is so cool.
He has been stirring this in my heart-our hearts-for a long time.

in the coming days and weeks I'm going to share lots of adoption stuff.
so get ready.
like it or not, here it comes.
considered yourself warned.

I'll share about telling our family and friends.
I'll share about how God brought us to this place and how/why we are so stoked to be growing our family in this way.
I'll share details and timelines.
I'll give you information on fundraising and how you can come along side us during this time. 
I'll probably post some videos and stories of other families that are growing their families through adoption.

I'll also share my fears,
my joys,
my questions,
and what I'm learning as we walk this path.

it is a journey. 
an adventure. 
but isn't that what following Jesus is all about?!
so, I invite you to come with us on this journey.
we'd be delighted to have you :)

will you?
will you share with us in this journey that will result in us being parents and an orphan finding a forever family?
we sure hope you will.
we can't wait to share it with you. 

with love,
rob and erica

2013

the weekend after all the company left,
I pulled out my journal and spent some time writing.
this is honestly my favorite part of the new year.
sure, I like the "newness" of it all,
and the confetti celebrations,
but I REALLY like the idea of sitting with a yummy cup-o-something
and reflecting, remembering, and dreaming.

so, that's what I did.
(this was also a great way to procrastinate taking down Christmas and cleaning.)


2012 was full of change.
it was a year of things not necessarily going as we had planned.

and with those changes and challenges came growth.
I didn't (and DON'T) want to rush into 2013
without stopping to remember what 2012 taught me.

here are a few of the things I wrote:

• 2012 taught me that I can live with both full joy and deep sadness. 
• 2012 taught me that I can maintain friendships across distance and that I can be known deeply by people. It also brought the renewal of a friendship. 
• 2012 taught me that my Jesus is my #1 rock and Rob is #2. And that when these relationships are healthy and in balance, I'll be okay. Even when everything else is turned upside down, I'll still be okay.
• 2012 taught me that following God's path is full of joy, sorrow, waiting, moving, risking, and so much more. Living the adventure with Jesus is worth it, even when it isn't easy. 
• 2012 humbled me. I became aware of pride and was challenged to continue to vulnerable in my marriage and friendship. 

what did 2012 teach you?

 I hope that 2013 includes:  

more listeningmore writingmore runningmore basketball less social mediamore time living out the story that God is writing for memore creativitymore cookingmore scrapbooking/picture-taking/painting/sewing less comparing of myself to others less spending more giving less comfort more Jesus

I want 2013 to be about living an adventure with Jesus--
even when that means following Him into things that are uncomfortable, scary, difficulty.

I don't know what 2013 holds. 

My sense is that it will bring times of laughter and joy,
hopefully some traveling and celebrating;
I also sense that 2013 will bring times of brokenness, surrender, and heartache.

My prayer is that 2013 means more of Jesus.
more of His glory.
I pray this same thing for you.

I'd love to hear how you ring in the new year!
Do you spend time reflecting and dreaming?
Do you pick a word or theme for the year?

major recap

 it has taken me a little lot longer than I had hoped to give  recap of the last few weeks, 

but here it is. 

it may seem outdated to you, 

but this way I know it is recorded. 

and in case I never get those scrapbooks done, 

I'll know I can come back to this little piece of blogland, 

and read about the end of December 2012.

this was the first year that I had off more time than Rob at Christmas. 

it.was.wonderful. 

not that I had a very much hang-out-in-pajamas-and-read-all-day time, 

as the time was actually really FULL.

but it was still good. 

and I was thankful. 

I spend the entire first week organizing our house!

this picture makes me ridiculously happy. 

our storage room post-organization frenzy. 

I can officially say that all the boxes are unpacked, 

and rooms are mostly put together.  

mostly. 

they still need decorated. 

but baby steps, people, baby steps. 

during my week of cleaning/organizing, 

my dad called to ask me on a date.

 

This deserves and entire post all by itself,

so for now I'll just say,

it was really great and spoke volumes to my heart. 

the motivation to deep clean and organize came 

from knowing that the whole Haude/Sibayan clan was coming for a two week stay. 

we split the holidays between both sides. 

this was our first year that we didn't travel out of the state for Christmas, 

and it was the first time that we could see both sides of family on Christmas day. 

it was really nice. 

after breakfast and opening gifts with the Sibayan kiddos, 

we headed to Wichita for the Kester family gathering. 

lots of food.

lots of laughter.

and lots of dancing.

let's take a momentary break from our review of the break so that I can point something out:

not only does this picture make me seriously happy,

this picture would NOT have happened when we first got married. 

and now my hubby is a dancing fool. 

and I LOOOOOOVE it. 

YES! mission accomplished. :)

okay. back to the recap.

look at the joy on that beautiful face!

you know what they say about girls in stripes...

no? me neither. :)

but I can tell you something about Gabi:

she is really good at making her auntie feel loved. 

and she's the sweetest thing ever. 

 

 

 the kids were extremely excited about the snow.

we bundled up on the day that it snowed all day 

and had a snowball fight and built one stellar snowman. 

it was fun to experience the snow through their california-child eyes. 

despite the below freezing temperatures, 

and some strong warning from the loan Kansas native, 

we headed out to have a little family Punt-Pass-Kick competition. 

we lasted 45 minutes.

by the end of it, Gabi was laying under a pile of blankets 

so that no part of her was visible. 

I didn't really want to say "I told you so, "

but...

yeah, well, I did. :)

 this picture pretty much sums up the two weeks that rob's family was in town. 

Jake. Auntie. Together. 

:) I love that little boy. 

I mean seriously.

melt.my.heart.

and THIS little boy loves his "uncle bobby"

I mean, just when I though he couldn't get any cuter, 

he started calling rob "uncle bobby."

too much. 

we spent a day in Wichita eating BBQ and ice-skating. 

while racing around the rink with my  hubby, 

I was reminded that he is my perfect match. 

i know, i know.

super romantic. and cheesy. 

but I really mean it. 

he's good for me in so many ways. 

and I love that he is my favorite person to do things with. 

even ice skate. :)

 other highlights not captured on cell phone pics:

double date with Priscilla and Jacob to see Les Miserables. so so good. 

tearing down walls at my in-laws new house. I've always wanted to kick a hole in the wall. 

watching Downton Abbey on my new Kindle Fire. (thank you, Pinky! you're the best!)

going to my Grandma Marie's house for the first time in years and spending time with my family. 

Christmas Eve service and reflecting on the wonderful gift that was the incarnate life of Jesus. 

Now that we're caught up on 2012, 

I can fill you in on 2013!

have a great weekend!

A Living Prayer

This is a beautiful song.

A prayer.

One that I am clinging to this morning as I think of those who are broken and hurting.

May you know the One who wants to hold your hand. 

 

Tomorrow, I'll update you on what we've been up to the last few weeks. 

And eventually I'll share what I'm dreaming off for 2013.