2013

the weekend after all the company left,
I pulled out my journal and spent some time writing.
this is honestly my favorite part of the new year.
sure, I like the "newness" of it all,
and the confetti celebrations,
but I REALLY like the idea of sitting with a yummy cup-o-something
and reflecting, remembering, and dreaming.

so, that's what I did.
(this was also a great way to procrastinate taking down Christmas and cleaning.)


2012 was full of change.
it was a year of things not necessarily going as we had planned.

and with those changes and challenges came growth.
I didn't (and DON'T) want to rush into 2013
without stopping to remember what 2012 taught me.

here are a few of the things I wrote:

• 2012 taught me that I can live with both full joy and deep sadness. 
• 2012 taught me that I can maintain friendships across distance and that I can be known deeply by people. It also brought the renewal of a friendship. 
• 2012 taught me that my Jesus is my #1 rock and Rob is #2. And that when these relationships are healthy and in balance, I'll be okay. Even when everything else is turned upside down, I'll still be okay.
• 2012 taught me that following God's path is full of joy, sorrow, waiting, moving, risking, and so much more. Living the adventure with Jesus is worth it, even when it isn't easy. 
• 2012 humbled me. I became aware of pride and was challenged to continue to vulnerable in my marriage and friendship. 

what did 2012 teach you?

 I hope that 2013 includes:  

more listeningmore writingmore runningmore basketball less social mediamore time living out the story that God is writing for memore creativitymore cookingmore scrapbooking/picture-taking/painting/sewing less comparing of myself to others less spending more giving less comfort more Jesus

I want 2013 to be about living an adventure with Jesus--
even when that means following Him into things that are uncomfortable, scary, difficulty.

I don't know what 2013 holds. 

My sense is that it will bring times of laughter and joy,
hopefully some traveling and celebrating;
I also sense that 2013 will bring times of brokenness, surrender, and heartache.

My prayer is that 2013 means more of Jesus.
more of His glory.
I pray this same thing for you.

I'd love to hear how you ring in the new year!
Do you spend time reflecting and dreaming?
Do you pick a word or theme for the year?

major recap

 it has taken me a little lot longer than I had hoped to give  recap of the last few weeks, 

but here it is. 

it may seem outdated to you, 

but this way I know it is recorded. 

and in case I never get those scrapbooks done, 

I'll know I can come back to this little piece of blogland, 

and read about the end of December 2012.

this was the first year that I had off more time than Rob at Christmas. 

it.was.wonderful. 

not that I had a very much hang-out-in-pajamas-and-read-all-day time, 

as the time was actually really FULL.

but it was still good. 

and I was thankful. 

I spend the entire first week organizing our house!

this picture makes me ridiculously happy. 

our storage room post-organization frenzy. 

I can officially say that all the boxes are unpacked, 

and rooms are mostly put together.  

mostly. 

they still need decorated. 

but baby steps, people, baby steps. 

during my week of cleaning/organizing, 

my dad called to ask me on a date.

 

This deserves and entire post all by itself,

so for now I'll just say,

it was really great and spoke volumes to my heart. 

the motivation to deep clean and organize came 

from knowing that the whole Haude/Sibayan clan was coming for a two week stay. 

we split the holidays between both sides. 

this was our first year that we didn't travel out of the state for Christmas, 

and it was the first time that we could see both sides of family on Christmas day. 

it was really nice. 

after breakfast and opening gifts with the Sibayan kiddos, 

we headed to Wichita for the Kester family gathering. 

lots of food.

lots of laughter.

and lots of dancing.

let's take a momentary break from our review of the break so that I can point something out:

not only does this picture make me seriously happy,

this picture would NOT have happened when we first got married. 

and now my hubby is a dancing fool. 

and I LOOOOOOVE it. 

YES! mission accomplished. :)

okay. back to the recap.

look at the joy on that beautiful face!

you know what they say about girls in stripes...

no? me neither. :)

but I can tell you something about Gabi:

she is really good at making her auntie feel loved. 

and she's the sweetest thing ever. 

 

 

 the kids were extremely excited about the snow.

we bundled up on the day that it snowed all day 

and had a snowball fight and built one stellar snowman. 

it was fun to experience the snow through their california-child eyes. 

despite the below freezing temperatures, 

and some strong warning from the loan Kansas native, 

we headed out to have a little family Punt-Pass-Kick competition. 

we lasted 45 minutes.

by the end of it, Gabi was laying under a pile of blankets 

so that no part of her was visible. 

I didn't really want to say "I told you so, "

but...

yeah, well, I did. :)

 this picture pretty much sums up the two weeks that rob's family was in town. 

Jake. Auntie. Together. 

:) I love that little boy. 

I mean seriously.

melt.my.heart.

and THIS little boy loves his "uncle bobby"

I mean, just when I though he couldn't get any cuter, 

he started calling rob "uncle bobby."

too much. 

we spent a day in Wichita eating BBQ and ice-skating. 

while racing around the rink with my  hubby, 

I was reminded that he is my perfect match. 

i know, i know.

super romantic. and cheesy. 

but I really mean it. 

he's good for me in so many ways. 

and I love that he is my favorite person to do things with. 

even ice skate. :)

 other highlights not captured on cell phone pics:

double date with Priscilla and Jacob to see Les Miserables. so so good. 

tearing down walls at my in-laws new house. I've always wanted to kick a hole in the wall. 

watching Downton Abbey on my new Kindle Fire. (thank you, Pinky! you're the best!)

going to my Grandma Marie's house for the first time in years and spending time with my family. 

Christmas Eve service and reflecting on the wonderful gift that was the incarnate life of Jesus. 

Now that we're caught up on 2012, 

I can fill you in on 2013!

have a great weekend!

A Living Prayer

This is a beautiful song.

A prayer.

One that I am clinging to this morning as I think of those who are broken and hurting.

May you know the One who wants to hold your hand. 

 

Tomorrow, I'll update you on what we've been up to the last few weeks. 

And eventually I'll share what I'm dreaming off for 2013. 

'tis the season

for holiday cheer.

and besides "singing loud for all to hear,"

what is better than a good Ugly Sweater party to get the cheer going...

 

 

the Hubs and I enjoyed getting into the spirit of things.

by the way, his ensemble was all on his own.  

I was totally digging it.

Scrooge showed up.

we tried to get him into the spirit of things.

he was a tough sell at first.

 

but when his cute elf wife and reindeer son were in the picture,
he was all smiles.

 we had some other fun family portraits going on:

 

 

 

 

 

and then we busted out the XBox Kinect

 

there was javelin throwing, long jumping, running, and then....

then there was spousal boxing.

it was awesome.

and guess who WON?!

oh yeah, I have a killer upper cut.

by the end of the night, people were stripping down.

oh look! Scrooge is smiling!

and sweating :) 

 

as the pictures show,

it was a really good time.

and a great way to kick off my week off from work.
 

Thanks, Brokenicky's, for hosting!!

 

I still have a lot to get done to get ready for all the company coming our way.

the hubby is officially on break, so we plan to check lots of things off our list tomorrow :)

 

THREE

Happy 3rd Birthday, Mackoy Matthew. 

I sure love being your auntie. 

You love people and have a special gift for making people feel loved and wanted. 

You have a facial expression for every emotion-they are the absolute best. 

You radiate JOY and live to get the most out of every moment. 

You can be the sweetest little boy, with the kindest spirit.
you can also be strong-willed and ornery...which I also love :)

I pray that you will know Jesus-his love for you and his plans for you life.
I pray that you grow into a man that loves others well. 

I pray that your kindness continues to grow, 

and that you continue to be full of joy. 

I also pray that you always know how much you are loved.

your Aunt Erica and Uncle Rob think you are the coolest.

you and your sister make this move to Kansas worth it :)

(okay, and all you other cool Kansas people, too!)

instaFriday

a recap of the last couple of weeks

via pics from my phone. 

we got our tree up and decorated one evening after we got back from the ranch. 

sitting in my chair next to tree is my favorite place in the mornings and evenings. 

and I still love these Christmas mugs that were a wedding gifts from a dear friend.

two Fridays in a row we have gone to watch my cousin Karli play high school basketball. 

which has meant three weekends in a row of snuggling this little lady. 

it's my favorite. 

we love to sandwhich moments of snuggling in between lots of dancing and singing. 

pep bands are perfect for dancing along to, ya know. 

being in Wichita also meant that I got to snuggle with this guy:

 

haha. 

cousin love. 

Students finished up the semester and headed home for Christmas break,

which has left things pretty quiet around the office. 

I took the time to look into getting my Kansas LPC license. 

gross. it just made me anxious. 

so much for being easy-peasy.

I'll keep you posted on how that unfolds.

tis the season of festivities. 

this past weekend the fam-bam got all bundled up....it finally felt like winter in Kansas...

and went to Botanica Gardens Illuminations

it was beautiful. 

haven let me hold her and she was mesmerized by the lights and music. 

she eventually fell asleep staring at a light display. 

afterwards we loaded up in the SUV

stopped for some hot cocoa

and went to look at more lights.

the next evening we went to a concert with my mom and the waldrons

(should have taken more pictures!)

 the concert was manneheim steamroller. 

and it was amazing. 

definitely worth seeing. 

this week was the tabor faculty/staff christmas party. 

we ate a really yummy meal, watched a funny christmas skit, 

and sang some carols together as a tabor community.

I've been rather emotional all week, 

so it probably wasn't the best idea for me to spend the evening 

catching up on episodes of parenthood. 

did anyone else watch this week?!?!

intense. 

i was a mess.

 AND.

I finally wrapped some gifts last night!

I am proud to say that I only have ONE gift left to buy,

and that there are gifts under our tree. 

it was really hard for me to get into the gift-buying mood this year,

but I tried to be intentional and personal with my selections,

and I am excited for what we are giving this year. 

should be fun. 

so that's a quick recap. 

it's good for me to do these recap posts. 

makes me realize that we are blessed. 

have much to be thankful for. 

and really are trying to live life to the fullest. :) 

Happy Friday, ya'll!

linking up with jeanett.

mary and elizabeth

I've been thinking a lot about babies lately.
We are definitely in that "season,"
both in life and in the year,
where the focus is on babies, birth, and new life.
we are getting ready to celebrate the most incredible birth story ever told, ya know.:)
that was in case you had forgotten it was Christmastime.


It seems that at least once a month we have a friend announce a pregnancy or a birth.
Which is really, really fun.
I am always REALLY excited for our friends when they announce these things.
Genuinely.
I love holding new babies.
Having a sleeping, snuggling baby in my arms is seriously one of my very favorite things.

But if I'm going to be honest, this season has been really hard, too.
because I really want a baby of our own right now.
I hold two things in tension--joy and sadness. 
and because of the rawness of my own emotion,
the Christmas story has taken on a new dimension for me this year.

Mary and her cousin Elizabeth were both pregnant at the same time.
Did you know that? Well, now you do.
Mary was pregnant before she wanted to be.
Elizabeth was pregnant after years and years of not being able to get pregnant.
Mary wasn't married yet--so there was probably some shame and embarrassment surrounding here pregnancy.
Elizabeth was "well along in years" and passed the child-bearing stage of life--so there was probably a lot of confusion and gossip surrounding her pregnancy, too.
I'm sure people had opinions and "concerns"--I'm quite certain that somethings about humanity never change.

So here are two women. both pregnant. both carrying men who would literally change the course of humanity.
and yet their roads to becoming pregnant were very different. VERY.

and that reality still exists today.
women who get pregnant before they are "ready" to be mothers.
women who pray and beg God for a baby until they are "well along in years."
women who long to be married so that they can have a family some day. 

I don't know what our journey will look like.
I believe that God knows the desire of my heart.
I believe that He is good, and that He loves me deeply and fully.
I believe that we will be parents. someday. somehow.

as I walk this journey, I will continue to hold joy and sorrow in tension.
I will continue to take both of those to God and allow him to change me.
use me.
mold me.
my story is not my own.
my story is His. 



I have gone back and forth on whether to share this out here in blog-o-sphere.
I'm not necessarily a really private person--if you sit with me over a cup of coffee, I'm likely to tell you what's on my heart--
but I'm not big on public broadcasts.
however, in this case, I'm hoping that it can be an encouragement to others.
my prayer is that if there are other women who, like me, are dreaming and waiting, that they would know they are not alone.
and that there is HOPE.
at Christmas, and all through the year.