listening

I've learned that the first art of listening is shutting my mouth,

stilling my mind,

and quieting my soul.

if you have followed adoption circles this month
(or orphan care cirlces or, ahem, Jen Hatmaker),
you may have come across a post or two about adoption ethics.


Before you scroll down and start leaving me comments about your opinion of infant adoption, sibling adoption, older child adoption, special needs adoption, transracial adoption or Jen Hatmaker.....wait....
my readers don't leave comments!
ha! what was I worried about?! :)
I kid, I kid...
but really, let me start by making a disclaimer:
this post is not about adoption ethics and I also really happen to respect Jen Hatmaker.

the reality is that her post--and a series of other posts---had me "fit to be tied" this month,
as they say 'round these parts. ;)

and, honestly, it wasn't so much what was being said,
as how the enemy used those voices to steal my joy.
the enemy likes to do that, ya know; take something true or good and twist it.

and if I'm not careful, I let all these other voices (blogs, books, opinions, stories, videos, etc.) become REALLY loud.
I give them center stage and find myself spending hours listening to what they have to say.
and if I am not balancing this out with THE voice,
it can get ugly.

reeeeally ugly.

read: ready to throw in the towel/jump ship/recalculate the route.

and there was a point this month when I was there.
in that place.
overcome with doubt and fear.
the enemy was using the second-guessing and analyzing that was happening in blogland,
to instill chaos and despair in my heart.

I'm guessing there are a few of you out there that have had this happen.
when you start to listen to what is being said around you instead of listening to what you know is true.
maybe people are voicing their opinion about you,
your family,
your decisions,
or something that you feel really strongly about.

and you know what is truth is but it's hard to remember,
or maybe you aren't sure what truth sounds like.

for me, I know truth.
I know that God called us to adopt.
I also really believe that God affirmed our desire to adopt a young child.
but then people start sayin' stuff.
and then I start doubting.
and then that doubt grows into fear.

you ever have this happen?
yeah?

me too.
in fact, this is where I was at about the middle of May.

in fact, I started an email to our program director from IFS.
subject: "looking for reassurance:
basically, I planned to ask her to reaffirm that we were not about to traffick children through adoption. and that we were not perpetuating corruption. and, please SOMEONE tell me that we are doing the right thing?!?!
but as I started the email,
I felt that little tug/nudge in my heart,
and my sweet Father saying, why don't you take some time to listen to me.

boom.

I had turned up the volume on all the other voices,
and in the process I began to frantically look for affirmation in places that would still leave me doubting.
and in the process of all this worrying and freaking-out,
I had managed to drown out THE voice.
(and, no, I'm not talking about the tv show.)

this is not new for me.
unfortunately, I'm a bit of a slow learner in this department.
but I'm thankful that this adoption process is refining this in me.
I'm learning to listen,
because if I don't learn to listen to The Voice of Truth,
then I'm going to get completing lost and overwhelmed.

I know that this whole "listening to Jesus" thing can be a little ambiguous for people.
in Christian-lingo we like to refer to this as the "still, small voice."
and maybe that is the best descriptor out there. I don't know.
but I do know that He speaks.
that he WANTS to speak to us.
if only we will just listen.

the way this played out for me this month was that I got my journal and I sat.
pleading.
confessing.
begging for God to speak.
to show up and help me figure out what was true.

and, friends, He did.
after a couple hours
and several pages in my journal
I was once again reminded that what we are doing--this adopting international thing--this adopting two young Ethiopians--THIS thing is in response to what God initiated.
we are responding to what HE began in our hearts,
what He asked us to do.

and the peace that came from hearing that from Him would not, COULD not, have come from any of the other voices around me.
yes, my husband was able to calm my nerves and remind me of Truth.
yes, I had some really dear friends remind me of Truth and support me on some rough days.
but those voices could not calm my spirit the way THE Spirit did.

so, my question for you today is Who are you listening to?
Is the voice(s) that you listen to Truth?
Do you need to take some time today/this weekend/this week to seek Truth?
He wants to speak to you and He promises that his Voice will give you "peace that transcends all understanding."



oh, and two days after I deleted that email to Randi (our program director) she posted this. God is good.

Happy June, ya'll!